Accomplishments/Achievements in life
Accomplishments/achievements has been an ongoing journey for me in my life… ?Growing up in a an achievement nothing less than perfection household… ?this is my journey.??
Of course I couldn?t see this as a young child. The message I got was that I could always do better. Even getting straight A?s I was told I could do even better the next time. I remember as a child looking up at the ceiling and wondering if there ever was a ceiling to you did your best…? ?I would say in retrospect that this, ?in combination with there not being nearly enough expressed or demonstrated heart felt love was not a sustainable flourishing environment for healthy growth.
In the end, it did all come to a screeching halt. I took on anorexia in my battle with perfectionism, and attempted suicide as a teenager feeling so so unloved and unheard. Out of this painful experience, ?I remember thinking I just wanted to be content picking lint balls off the carpet…
As I sit with this now, I breath in, I feel pressure from my inside all over my body. I feel sad. I also feel grateful I was able to come to see my value for being in my heart over achievement. I wish it could have been both, or perhaps it is, if I value kindness and love above all else…? I do.?
I still struggle with not feeling enough. My life has been a choice, and I choose love, but I still struggle with the value of accomplishments in my life. ?I experience some shame here. I am happy to say though that I am grateful I recognize this, and I look forward to today?s class on shame. Thank you all. ??
My heart is touched. I feel it opening like a flower wanting to embrace the child in my, the child in you, children everywhere that are not seen for the love that they are. And I feel happiness in my heart as I read how you have come to feel your value as a loving human being.
I Drop into my heart after reading your sincere and vulnerable post and there is a soft tenderness and a sense of an ache. The space around my heart feels very still, like a forest pool on a windless day. I feel a lump in my throat as my attention Opens. There is poignancy and more stillness around that. The words “grateful to recognize this” bring a smile to my mouth. “Everything rests on the tip of recognition – the Stop step” I hear an inner voice saying. Yet the shame is still there and there is this feeling of love in being with it just as it is. Thank you so very much for sharing this. After our lovely class tonight, I feel so connected and honored by your realness.