Aversion to OverThinking
I have been married to my husband for 32 years. I have always been pretty strong on the feeling side, and have needed to strengthen my thinking. Thus I suppose the imago match with my husband, who is strong on thinking, and has needed to strengthen his feeling side. I delve into the creative imagination, while he wants realistic facts.?
We have both encountered numerous triggers because of this. I just don?t think of certain things that could possibly go wrong, while he manages to uncover every possible thing that could go wrong. Very pragmatic. I can and have often appreciated his thoroughness, yet in the other hand, It is not at all my basic trusting nature, and does not go with my flow of energy on projects. Over the years, I have tried to accommodate his questions and concerns. It has meant more to me to be together in things, than divisive. From my perspective he seems to think his way is right, and I am not thinking clearly. It has been very frustrating at times.?
When I am in this place, I often don?t feel heard or validated. And he is right. I have tried heart fluency in him by asking him to stop, and then soften. After years of nothing working, I found this to have done success. I was quite amazed. Often I would think, what can I fo so he can better hear me and get me.?
I can easily slip into feeling aversion to his what I would call overthinking, because I am not validated. This aversion I feel is very uncomfortable for me, I feel a contraction from my head down to my toes, my gut feels inflated and heavy. From there I have all sorts of stories I can attach to this…. It is then easy for me to shoot the second arrow at myself and feel shame, and then acquiesce, which is perhaps partly why this has gone on so long….?
Today feeling this aversion over a current project for the past two days, I was determined to try to release this through heart fluency. I also really wanted to understand it all better. At first I just felt this heaviness, I kept breathing, at some point I decided to let the story go, and from there, I began to feel relief. Ahhh…, it felt so refreshing to let the story go, and let go of the outcome. I felt a cool refreshing light breeze of fresh air run through me. I added a slight smile, and felt such a sense of gratitude for this process. It is of course as if my husband senses my attachment, and I sense his, and we are in gridlock. When I let go of the attachment, he senses this, and let?s go as well. Then the more productive communication can begin. I have been through this a least a zillion times over the years, and somehow through discharge and dropping to our hearts, we both manage to always get to the other side where love resides. That is comforting to remind myself. Sometimes I feel So very fortunate, other times I feel this is too hard to bear….
We once saw a therapist together, and she said love and aversion are two sides to the same coin. That you can?t have one without the other. I found that deeply comforting, and that being able to allow this and is quite normal…. It really doesn?t always feel that way in times of distress, as I have this deal story on the way it could or ought to be…!? Anyone else ever experience anything like this? And how did you deal with it? Thank you all. ??
As I read I feel the contraction of conflict in my heart area and the place where I get triggered by the types of interactions you speak of.?? When I read Bruce’s and your responses to one another, I feel myself taking a deep breath of okayness and my body begins to relax.???? I am feeling my way into the okayness and I want to cry a little bit to let go of the contraction and pressure.?? I breathe more into my chest to open my heart area and find the healing orientation that is holding all of this in okayness.