The Complexity of a Trigger

    Sometimes I really have a difficult time feeling acceptance surrounding how triggered I get from a very dear person who means really well.  She is my 85 year old neighbor and friend who is very passionate about helping people and alternative healing has been her life for over 30 years.  I love and care about her and I appreciate her many acts of generosity!  She can also be very bossy and offer unsolicited advice with such urgency that there’s a wave of judgement if I don’t act on her suggestion with haste.  My heart feels heavy and a sense of nervous tension pulses through my system when I think of the imbalance I feel more often than I want to when I become triggered by my interaction with her.  I do my best to bring a balance of curiosity as to where the trigger is coming from, loving compassion to the angered part that feels attacked, and courage to the part that needs to speak her truth from love.  I dive into the waterfall of my breath and feel pressure release as the calming flow of water relaxes any tension and encourages me to continue to be curious about the uncomfortable charge and what does it have to say about myself, along with a combination of knowing that my instincts are letting me know it’s ok not to agree, and within that uncomfortable trigger, to bring more love and acceptance, and it’s ok not to feel in alignment with another person.  I’m having a hard time completely swallowing that last part because I just want to feel peace.

      Dear Mitzie,

      As I read your message I felt incredible expansion, awe, and beauty. The way in which you have described your process its incredibly beautiful and inspiring.

      This peace you seek I can see it so present in this uncovering, as you are removing those layers by simply bringing that beautiful sense of presence to what is happening. I feel so much love and compassion in this interaction of allowing others to be their expression as you watch and witness your being towards what is being presented.

      Thank you for this incredible share.

      Love and blessings,

      Laura

        As I read your share I can feel the cleansing power of the waterfall. I felt clear and expansive and powerful. There was so much grace in beauty in the power of waterfall. I pondered about the waterfall and how it is just allowing and from allowing the water falls and becomes mighty. Starting a new cycle, assisting life in a new way.
        Feeling your power…. like the waterfall- inclusive- allowing and free.

        Responded on May 15, 2020.

          Hi Mitzie, funny, I am having a similar experience with a long time dear Friend of mine as well. You described the range of emotion from love to the other side of some aversion, non acceptance. I also struggle with this at times. I surely prefer to be in loving place, yet as you said “it’s ok not to feel in alignment with another person”. This is how we are all each other’s teachers. How we can grow, and heal from kindly seeking peace with the issue. Initially I felt a wave of anxiety running through me. I can. Inject with feeling some shame regarding not fully accepting her. And as I write this, I get clarity, as truthfully I love her, but I don’t always support her actions. It reminds me of parenting, and loving your child, but not liking their action. This is hrlpful for me to recognize…! I feel an immediate shift, and helps frees me from the shame. Now I understand myself better. And now I feel better about expressing it to her in this way. I feel the sense of your waterfall trickling down out the top of my head, gently cleansing me all the way down to my toes. I am grateful to return to love. Thank you.❤️

            As I read this I feel a small contraction in my heart space. It feels surrounded by agitated, nervous energy. The thought arises “That’s me trying to be compassionate and forgetting the compassion is already there.” When the thought passes there is a sense of letting go that I feel most predominantly in my diaphragm. Interestiing because that is the home of judging myself harshly. Feeling these elements, I begin to notice a sweet relaxation developing in my belly.

            Responded on May 20, 2020.