The Light of Illumination
I am very happy I was able to participate in listening to several of the speakers for the Mindfulness and Meditation Summit this past week. Each speaker had their own special “nugget of wisdom” for me to take away, but this one speaker brought out a very powerful realization about myself. As like so many other people who don’t think they are enough, I have lived my life with extremely unsupportive conversations about myself running around in my mind which have produced a pretty deep groove of toxicity after almost 62 years of life. With the Light getting Lighter and the Dark getting Darker during this extraordinary time of life, I have felt the duality of both the destruction inside myself on a level I have never experienced before and the beginning of a new dawn emerging shining light to places I haven’t seen before.
The subject of Abuse came up during a Speaker’s talk on Loving Compassion. It hit me with a BIG AHA, that I have been having an abusive relationship with myself for probably most of my life. Before, I knew I needed to be gentler with myself, I knew I needed to fill myself up with loving compassion, I knew that my patterns were self destructive, but somehow I kept repeating them. Similar to the horror I might feel about a Mother abusing her child, I now see that a very wounded part of me has been punishing another part of me and it’s time for the Wise Mother to step in and give the Love and Compassion to those wounded parts that so desperately need and require such unconditional nurturing. I feel that Heart Fluency has been part of the recipe for making it possible for Light to shine in places I haven’t been able to see before. Heart Fluency is a wonderful practice that supports our Heart of our Heart to Illuminate with splendor! Thank you Bruce!!!
Such powerful insights, thank you so much for sharing them with us. This is something most people I know, including myself are dealing with in various ways, this inner split, the perpetuation of ancestral patterns, the legacy of humanity up to this point. One of my teachers said: To see is to be free. Seeing this as clearly as you are seeing it now is the most important step of the ongoing process into greater awareness of our true nature, the identification with the sky, the spaceous presence, the sea of awareness, the Divine Field or whatever name we give it. Such courage to look so deeply. Bless you! Thank you!
Hi Mitzie. This is an interesting time of reflection in our lives and in the world. I am touched by your experience. It seems you were awakened to something in you ready to come out, and be released. That is I think is beautiful that you are noticing and allowing this to come to your attention. Although sad, I was touched by how you called on your stronger healthy caring nurturing part of your adult self to hold you then. I am sitting with this now, breathing, in and out, at first I feel Contraction in my throat and chest area… I continue to breath… I allow myself to be held. I feel an immediate relaxation release of the tension in my throat and chest. I feel a softening into my heart space. For me what I get is the message that this was not mine, it was put on me by another, and was not then able to stand up for myself. I am able now. Completely able. I am grateful for this reminder. Thank you. ❤️
Blessings, Mitzie– Thank you very much for your share. It touched me deeply and I related to it. I’ve also carried an inner abuser, passed on to me by parents who had abusive parents and back the story goes thru generations. I, in turn, witnessed my daughter in law emotionally abusing my grandson so badly that he broke down at an early age. It was excruciating and I was unable to help or hold my own pain….and then I broke down emotionally and well as physically. It was from my own breakdown that I ended up picking up the pieces and learning how to be nurturing and kind towards myself. It is an ongoing piece of work. I liked what Angelika shared about the ancestrial patterns and also ‘to see is to be free’. For me, its seeig and coming out of denial and unconciousness and then changing the pattern. I am learning how to change my neuropathways and HF is one of the pieces for me. Seems to be a beautiful ongoing journey of awakening and I feel so fortunate to have found my way here. Amazing!!!!! When I feel into my heart, I feel gratitude and can take a deep breath and a sigh of relief.
I loved all the shares above.
As I read your words I felt a warmth and sense of familiarity. I also felt incredibly grateful to read this process as it felt very close to home for me. I have also had a very tough relationship with myself, this one rooted in trauma. Recently I started uncovering what this meant for me and how that time and space have created so many effects in many parts of my life, especially in how I talk to myself.
I enjoyed reading how you are cultivating this sense of intimacy with yourself, not long ago I started feeling what compassion was and it because I felt it towards myself. A warm, expansive, and tender feeling.
May this wise woman hold all parts with equal love, tenderness, and compassion.